Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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