White coat. Heels.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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