Jerry, you need to find god
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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