dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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