Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
im having a threesome with these popsicles
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
