i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It's blow job season.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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