He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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