yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
