There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
