I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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