yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
