yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
