I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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