Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
