Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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