just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
