I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
