Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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