Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
