I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
