PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
