Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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