Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
