Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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