Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
