giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
