So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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