i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We had to coat check the pizza.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
