Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
