Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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