A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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