I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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