thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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