the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
