you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
