I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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