is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
