Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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