Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
