we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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