you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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