I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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