Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
