I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
