i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
