u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
