i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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