I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
People in love make me want to vomit
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
