i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
