i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
