fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Its about making memories worth repressing
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
