If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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