Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
