your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
