I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
