Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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