508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
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