I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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