I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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